HERE IS THE RESULT OF LOTS OF

POKING ABOUT ON THE INTERNET.

LOTS OF NEWS, FOR NOTHING. AREN'T WE NICE.

BY GORDON LARRIGAN, CHRIS HODGES AND ANDREW BAYLY

HALFLIFE: UPLINK

"Investigative journalist, Jaz Meadows, has stumbled across the government's darkest secret. He is alone, unarmed, and all hell is breaking loose. The story of his life may cost him just that..."

And so they made a Halflife film. And they called it Halflife Uplink. Even though Halflife already has a demo of the same name.And it isn't really a film anyway, because it's 5 minutes long. It was shot over 12 hours by a company called "Cruise Control" and was intended for release on February the 22nd. It wasn't released due to lack of approval from Valve and Sierra (It's easy to see why). It's based on the events at the Black Mesa Research Facility, but Gordon Freeman doesn't star in it (WHY NOT!?!), because of this bloke, "Jaz Meadows"(What the..?).

THE CAST

You might recognise these people. If you do, consider yourself lucky, because you may not see them ever again. Why? It's simple. Think of all those Halflife fans who would happily hunt down these actors for doing such a terrible job of their favourite game...but to make their job easier, I'll supply the actors names: Keith Hiller as the scientist, Phillipa Norman as an assassin, Dustin Diamond as Jaz Meadows, and Tony Potter as the soldier.

Comments:

• "Five minutes of your life you'll never get back." (PlanetHalflife)

• "A film made from a game? Well, if Streetfighter and Mortal Combat are anything to go by, I hope the directors legs get broken in a horrendous accident involving a pair of hedge clippers and a small plastic dog chew." (Some Bloke)

• "Oooh! A Halflife film! Sorry? Not very good? Who made this? WHO MADE THIS? I'LL MURDER THEM!!! KILL THEM ALL!!! BURN!!! BURN IN HELL!!! BURN IN HELL!!! AAAAAAARRRGGGGHHHH!!! (Patient 3352, South London Mental Home)

What a satisfactory result. If you want to comment on this, or you have any other Halflife news, E-Mail me at the usuall address: [email protected].

Page Last Updated by Gordon Larrigan, 17:22, 1 July, 1999